However, in most sexual relationships sex interacts with all other aspects of your life. Sex can be used as a weapon to manipulate a partner, surreptitiously or even overtly — for example, when one partner deliberately withholds sex as a punishment for something the other person did, rather than talking the problem out.

On the other hand, some couples can get into a situation called the ‘Fight and Fuck Syndrome’. While it is understandable that making up after a fight is a natural resolution and in some respects a reassurance that you still love each other, for some people the high emotional charge of a good screaming match loads up your sexual energy at the same time. This in itself is not a problem. In fact having sex after a fight is a practical way of releasing the tension that has been built up. It’s a different matter if it gets to the point where you need to fight to get sexually excited. In this case a counsellor would advise that you dissociate the sexual climax from the emotion of the fight, by avoiding sex after fighting for a while, and connect it with a more gentle build-up.

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